Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
