i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
