someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We need a shit load of segways right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
