Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
