i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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