3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
