slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize