eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
