He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
