Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just took my morning after pill in the library
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
