My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
