you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize