i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize