Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
