You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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