last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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