I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
