I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize