you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
