I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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