I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
