I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
