Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
