I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Randomize
