Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
