last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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