Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
