I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
