It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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