I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
