Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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