so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
