well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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