I wanna bring you to show and tell
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
