Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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