You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I am midnight drunk by noon
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
