i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
