just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
