Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
