There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
