I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
