He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
