We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
