Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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