She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
