atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
