If i could tip my vagina, i would.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
