If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
