sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
