I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
