Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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