u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
