So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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