I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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