do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
