WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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