..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
