It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
