pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
