just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
