i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
