porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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