in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
